Permanent Vacation?

So I haven't blogged for awhile. I have to catch up on 21 days to get to where I need to be. And that kind of seems overwhelming for me. But I'm going to do it. I won't let this 365 entry side project be thwarted!

So where have a been? I've been... less than adequate. Not in the last week or so, but for a while prior to that. And it just didn't feel right to come on here and pretend that everything is hunky dory when it just wasn't. I had a really rough couple of weeks. Work was crazy busy... overwhelming almost. And I had a couple of run ins with some co-workers which just made the last few weeks before work ended for the year really difficult.

But I had been dealing with a really rough situation with a friend which bothered me more than I wanted it to. I thought I was over being affected by that sort of stuff. I'm a cut and run sort of guy. If something isn't working, let it be and move on: it's not worth the stress. I know that isn't the best way to deal with problems, but it's worked okay for 30 years for me, so it's what I'm used to. And this time too, I tried to do that. I really did. But I couldn't. And it made me miserable.

Coming on here and going on about stuff that was super would have just been fake... and I don't want to, in the future, look back on this project and have a mental asterisk in which I tell myself I was lying. So I waited. And here we are. I'm not saying everything was bad-- some really good times were had. And even when I thought about writing about those good times, the other stuff entered my head.

So why now? Am I all better? Not totally. (And that's honesty. I think I'm way more honest with myself now than I ever was. ) But I feel like I'm almost there. I think the situation in question is resolving itself nicely (after some beer, several coffees, some very unhealthy food, and more discussion than I'm comfortable with) and I'm feeling okay with it for the first time in a long time. Optimistic even.

I'm doing this project to recognize the good. And I still believe in that concept deeply. But I think I need to at least acknowledge that the less than good times can affect me too. And they help shape me. I don't want to dwell on them, but I'm pretty happy that I can learn from them and move on from them. They don't define me-- my reaction to them does.

So. Here we are. And I'm 21 days behind (20 after this post). So, as a reward for my epiphany... I'm going to go into rapid fire mode: 20 days, 20 things which don't require much explanation.

I'm back :)