Mama's Boy

So, one my rules for this blog was to not be overly sentimental, gushy, etc... and I acknowledged how I would most likely break said policy... well, here it goes.

So, in my life, I am most grateful/ thankful/ happy about... my mom. Yep, self-confessed Mama's Boy here, bloggin' away. I think most sons think that their mom is the best person in the world, but I know my mom actually is the best human on the face of the planet.

Here are five things she's taught me:

1. Always help the underdog-- Whenever I used to get into arguments or heated debates with my friends when I was a child, I'd always go to my mom to try and settle the issue. Now, I'm talking childhood stuff, things really of little consequence-- minor trivia, "Who gets to play with this toy?"-type questions, "Which of us had the more powerful serve?" when playing tennis... you know, the sort of trivial matters that kids pester their parents with all of the time. Every single time, whether I was right, whether I was better, whether I deserved something, my mom always took the other person's side or supported the other person's point of view. Always. It would drive me crazy. I would know that my tennis skills were better or that I won the free-throw contest or that my cheesecake tasted way better than his crappy German chocolate squares (yep, still a bit bitter over that one), but she would ALWAYS say that they were right. My friends would be inevitably smug- hilarious, now, looking at it from 30 year old eyes-- but would enjoy themselves immensely in whatever sense of accomplishment they had. They would always leave our house happy. After he or she left, I would, in child-like rage, go up to her and say "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! YOU KNEW I WAS RIGHT!!!" Very calmly, each time, she'd say-- "Sweetheart, you can handle yourself. You didn't need my help with this. Your friend did."

Now, at 10, that didn't really mean much to me, but now, I see it as an important lesson. Not only did that help give me the ability to advocate for myself and become more self-reliant, but it taught me to always support those that need it. I'm obviously not talking about "helping the needy" or anything like that-- I'd hope that all parents instill those values in their children. But just knowing that someone is in your corner can really make a big difference.

Whether she agreed with me or not, whether she knew I was right at that moment or not, I always knew my mom had my back when push came to shove. There are so few times in one's life when push actually does come to shove, however... so by letting me lose the little battles... I think she made me a better person.

2. Strength isn't about physicality or emotion; it's about character--I'm not an emotional guy. My friends joke that I'm "dead inside" (which I think is pretty funny-- these are my friends... what must my enemies say?!) but I'm that way because I choose to be that way. I am pretty good at deciding what I will let affect me (publicly, at least). My mom is the opposite-- she wears her heart on her sleeve and can be moved from a montage of a contestant's life on a reality t.v. show. Despite this, she is one of the strongest people I know.

She hasn't had an easy go since I've been around-- she's lost a number of relatives including her mom, brother, and husband (my father), and has had to raise me as a single parent on a very limited income for most of my life. She's also been a primary caretaker for relatives who can't manage on their own. She has had more than enough reason to complain about the way the cards were dealt to her, but never once have I heard a negative thing about her situation. Moreover, she has never allowed what has happened to her to be a crutch or an excuse for other things in her life.

In yesterday's blog, I said I don't believe when people say they have "No regrets." I do however, believe strongly in the importance of "No excuses." She hasn't allowed herself to be defined by negative elements of her life, and that lesson will always stay with me.

3. Humour is so important-- My mom cracks me up. She makes everyone laugh, including me, all the time. She has taught me that humour puts others at ease and makes you accessible to them. I can tell if I will get along well with someone or not based on how much they laugh with me.

Seriously-- people want to be around those that make them laugh. It's the number one law of attraction in my book.

Have you heard the one about the travelling salesperson?

4. LEARN-- Like most kids, when I'd get home from school, mom would ask me, "What did you learn today?" and if I didn't say "Nothing", we'd go over what I was taught and talk about it. She'd always help me study for my tests too by waking up early and helping me with my French vocab or helping me memorize my world capitals. I'd always thank her for helping me, and she'd say, "No-- thank you. I love to learn this stuff!" I think that example of finding joy in lifelong learning has been key for me.

There are so many opportunities for us to learn each day-- from what we can read, from those we meet, from experiences we have-- we just need to take advantage of those opportunities around us to increase our knowledge.

Now that I'm a teacher, the question from mom has changed: "What did you teach today, sweetheart?" She's still just as excited to hear the agenda.

5. Express Gratitude-- We're all taught to always say "Please" and "Thank-you" from a very young age. I was always taught to do more than that. Thank you notes were commonplace in our house-- mom was always writing them, and not just verbatim scripts on each one. Mom always took the time to personalize a note to each person she wished to thank with a kind message. It's actually kind of sweet-- to this day, she does a rough draft before putting the final message in a card. She wants to make sure that she expresses herself perfectly and she puts a tremendous amount of time into recognition.

A thank-you gift was also quite common--maybe a potted plant and a box of chocolates for someone who had us over for dinner or a bottle of rye each time our neighbour plowed the snow from our driveway. These tokens were always so appreciated.

Seriously though-- does anything make anyone feel better than to know that he or she (or what he or she did) made a difference and is appreciated? I know how pleased I am when I receive recognition. I believe that feeling is a basic human need-- to know that people are grateful for our contributions. I think my mom exemplifies this quality.





She's taught me way more than those 5 things... but those 5 are the first that come to my mind. I could go on and on about her, but again, I'm trying to "bro code" it up here. HA!

What it all comes down to is this: I am 100% sure about very little in this world-- very little. But one thing I am completely sure about is this: Anything in me that is good, anything in me that is positive, anything that is selfless is directly because of her.

And for that I will always be grateful and happily indebted to her.